Lawyer's Lament

I'll tell yer of what 'appened as I walked along me wayThrough the local park out on a bright an' sunny dayI chance upon a friend of mine, a friend who's far from poorA gentleman who earns his crust by practicing the law'e's wearing his black gown and wig, as if 'e were mid caseBut most of all 'e wears a grimace right across his faceI thinks 'Now, is the problem, that me old mate's just so tenseFrom arguing, soliciting and totting up expense'So I says to 'im, 'What's brought you down to this poor state of graceThat has you wearing this 'uge frown, why right across yer face?'Now it aint often you see a lawyer gag and nearly chokeAs he says "Its them scientists, those blokes in them white coats"They're buying up the lawyers, the ladies and the gentsAnd putting us in mazes for their weird experiments"Now I'm all shocked, I says to 'im "'ow could things come to that?Aint that the sort of thing for which they've always used them rats?""They'd rather use solicitors than rats, those bloody voyeursIn part because there's not as many rats as there are lawyersWhat's worse...", 'e 'angs 'is 'ead and says "It's sad but trueThere are some things, no matter what, that a rat just will not do"So if you see a pack of lawyers, bustling in a raceYou might just find one later, cheesy grin across 'is face'e'll be the one who's fastest, smartest, or whate'er they pleaseJust don't ask 'im what 'e 'ad to do to get 'is brief of cheese